Monday, 8 October 2012

Five Reason You Are Still Single

Why you’re single 1: You have an unrealistic checklist

If your list of favourable traits is more than a couple of points long, it might be time to start editing it. A tall, dark, handsome man who loves washing up and never forgets an anniversary? A lady with blonde hair and blue eyes who loves watching football games and cooking dinner every evening? Good luck with that. If you don’t want a smoker or someone with children, that’s fine – decide on these absolute non-negotiables, but then overlook the ‘not-too-sure-about-this-but-could-probably-live-with-it’ points. When searching for your idea of a perfect partner, there’s a good chance that you’re bypassing many wonderful potential partners who probably have special qualities that you’d never even thought of adding to your list before.

Why you’re single 2: You reveal too much, too soon

Of course dates are all about sharing information about yourself and getting to know each other, but when you feel the need to share all about your last breakup, the medication you’re taking and your family troubles, it’s probably going to put this potential new partner off.  While you’re hoping that your date is thinking “wow, he/she is really interesting” they’re more likely to be thinking something along the lines of “is this really something I’d like to be involved with?” While it’s good to reveal enough information to keep your date interested, it’s really not a good idea to reveal a year’s worth of information in just one night.

Why you’re single 3: You’re too clingy

If you’ve known each other for five  minutes yet you suddenly start calling her throughout the day to see what she’s up to or you drop by his guys’ night in because you wanted to check up on him, you’re heading for a dating disaster. If this is you then please do forgive us if we sound harsh, but you need to get a life. Your potential gentleman or lady friend will find it attractive if you have a life of your own. Having your own hobbies and interests shows that you’re an interesting, well-rounded person and gives you plenty to talk about when you are together. It’s scary for your other half to feel as though they are your whole world. One foot out of place and your whole world comes crashing down? Ouch – that’s a lot of pressure.

Why you’re single 4: You fall for the wrong type

Whether it’s a lady with three children and a law degree or a short gentleman with a passion for the great outdoors who loves animals, most of us have a ‘type’ of person that we tend to be attracted to. If you’ve had a few failed relationships though, it might be time to start rethinking your ‘type’. Do you always fall for the type who likes to ‘play the field’? Or the type who works so hard that you never see them? If this is the case and it’s never worked out, it might be time to re-evaluate what you’d like in a partner. The mistake that many people make is sticking to one specific ‘type’ and watching the relationship fail time and time again. Psychotherapist Jill Murray highlights that many failed relationships happen because we believe that we can take this person under our wing and eventually change or ‘tame’ them. If you feel like you need to change them, they’re probably not your type after all.

Why you’re single 5: Your negativity reflects on the outside

It doesn’t matter how nice you feel in your new clothes or how confident you are with your new haircut, if you’re feeling negative, it’s going to show on the outside. If you’ve been on a string of unsuccessful dates, there’s a good chance you’ll not have the most positive vibes about this one either. Just because your best friend’s girlfriend cheated on him or your parent’s relationship broke up when you were young, this does not mean that the dating scene is the devil’s playground. While you may still need to kiss a few more frogs before you find your prince or princess, if you end up coming across the partner of your dreams but you feel grumpy thoughout the date, it’s likely that you’ll end up giving off a bad impression. Approach your date with an open mind and you quadruple your chances of it being successful! 

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